“Life coaching is a collaborative helping process focused on setting goals and creating action plans for real-life change. It is future-focused, supporting people to take responsibility for the outcomes they want to create in work, relationships, wellbeing, and everyday life” (The Academy of Modern Applied Psychology).

Coaching at Through the Fray is a structured, collaborative space for reflection, clarity, sense-making, skill-building, and forward movement. Instead of advice-giving, it’s conversation with intention.

When we work together, I bring:

• Deep listening and careful witnessing

• Thoughtful questions with the goal of understanding and clarifying

• Research-informed insights about relationships and communication (tailored to you and your experiences)

• Practical tools you can actually use (we’ll hone what works best for you as we go!)

• A belief that you are the expert on your own life

Overall, we slow things down enough to understand what’s happening, and then we build capacity to move differently.

According to The Academy of Modern Applied Psychology (where I received my coaching certification): “Coaching and helping work focus on moving forward—clarifying goals, building capability, increasing self-awareness, improving relationships, and supporting decision-making. Therapy focuses on healing—addressing mental health conditions, processing trauma, treating disorders, and providing clinical care. [We] train members to work within the coaching and helping space. Members are taught to recognize when someone needs clinical support rather than coaching and to refer appropriately. They learn to stay within their competence, avoid clinical interventions, and uphold ethical boundaries.”

I agree with that distinction and that the biggest difference is role and scope. Therapy is licensed healthcare. Therapists assess, diagnose, and treat mental health conditions. They are trained to treat trauma, severe depression, anxiety disorders, suicidality, and other clinical concerns.

Coaching is not mental health treatment. I do not diagnose, provide psychotherapy, or treat mental health disorders. I also do not treat trauma.

I am trained in trauma-informed practice, which means I prioritize safety, consent, empowerment, and awareness of how past harm can shape present behavior. Trauma-informed work is about how we support people — not about providing trauma therapy.

Because even well-intentioned coaches can cause harm, I take ethical boundaries seriously. I combine coaching ethics with victim advocacy principles, which emphasize staying in your lane, offering grounded support, and referring to appropriate resources when clinical care is needed. I am also trained in Mental Health First Aid, which focuses on recognizing signs of mental health or substance use challenges and connecting people with professional support.

Both therapy and coaching can involve the past, present, and future. We might explore attachment patterns, family-of-origin dynamics, or past relational experiences — not to treat them clinically, but to understand how they’re influencing your current goals and choices.

Sometimes people need therapy. I’ve needed therapy. Therapy can be life-changing.

Coaching is different. It’s a space for clarity, skill-building, relational awareness, and aligned action when you are not in crisis and not seeking clinical treatment. What I focus on is relational health, communication patterns, confidence, boundaries, and understanding unhealthy relationship dynamics —especially on the continuum of relational harm, including domestic violence and coercive control.

My background as a researcher, professor, and advocate in these areas shapes the work. I operate within clear ethical boundaries and refer out when something requires clinical care. If I don’t think I’m the right fit, or if something is outside my scope, I will say so.

(You can learn more about my training and background on the About page.)

Being trauma-informed means I prioritize:

• Emotional and physical safety

• Transparency and clear boundaries

• Collaboration and mutuality

• Empowerment, voice, and choice

• Awareness of cultural, historical, and gender dynamics

It does not mean I provide trauma therapy.

It means I understand how experiences of harm can shape nervous systems, communication patterns, and survival strategies — and I work in ways that avoid retraumatization and respect your autonomy.

My approach aligns with the SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) six key principles of a trauma-informed approach: Safety; Trustworthiness and Transparency; Peer Support; Collaboration and Mutuality; Empowerment, Voice and Choice; and Cultural, Historical, and Gender Issues.

People often describe it as calm, steady, and thoughtful.

We:

• Brainstorm.

• Untangle confusing situations.

• Name patterns.

• Practice new language & skills.

• Build boundaries.

• Strengthen self-trust.

There’s structure but also warmth. I draw on years of teaching, tutoring, mentoring, advocacy work, and a lot of reading and research in relational communication. I aim for depth and insight without overwhelm. It’s collaborative, compassionate, supportive, encouraging, informational, validating, and challenging in a good way.

• Recognizing unhealthy relationship patterns

• Building confidence & healthy relationships after relational harm

• Communication skill-building (personal or professional)

• Boundary setting

• Preparing for difficult conversations

• Making sense of confusing dynamics

• Strengthening relational awareness

• Clarifying next steps in work, advocacy, or leadership

If the quality of our relationships shapes the quality of our lives, then learning to navigate them well matters. That’s the work.

Coaching may be a good fit if you:

• Are not in immediate crisis

• Are not seeking mental health treatment

• Want space to think clearly and move intentionally

• Are ready to engage actively in reflection and skill-building

Coaching is not appropriate if you:

• Are experiencing active abuse and need immediate safety planning

• Are in acute mental health crisis

• Need diagnosis or treatment for a mental health condition

If that’s the case, therapy or crisis services are the right first step. And I’m always happy to help you think through referrals.

No, for a number of reasons. 1) I firmly believe that victim advocacy services should be free. 2) Your local victim advocate will know the best resources and options far better than I could. 3) In short, it would probably be a conflict of interest. 4) I learned so much from my time doing crisis work, but it is HARD work. Crisis helpers have my DEEPEST respect. It is more sustainable for me to now direct my efforts to systems advocacy (working toward positive change in the systems that affect individuals). I do this by training folks in the legal system, human resources, or government agencies about trauma-informed practices and how trauma affects people who experience abuse. I do this through providing free information to the public about gender-based violence. I also work with lawyers and legal teams to consult on interpersonal and gender-based violence cases and to serve as an expert witness to educate juries.

Click here for some resources for immediate, free help.

Yes!

I am informed and affirming of LGBTQ+ identities, consensual non-monogamy (ENM), and kink communities. I approach all relationships from a consent-based, harm-aware framework. I also am trauma-informed (and experienced) in high-control religious trauma.

I am a queer (pan), white, cisgender woman, and I’m deeply mindful of that positionality. In my work, I aim not only to be aware of my privilege but to respond in socially just ways. To me, being culturally attuned means recognizing that communication is never neutral—it is shaped by power, history, and identity.

I don't expect you to educate me on your lived experience. Instead, I educate myself and commit to an anti-racist, anti-oppressive practice where we can openly acknowledge how systemic injustices impact your life. I stand firmly in the belief that Trans rights are human rights, Black Lives Matter, and that no human is “illegal”—especially on stolen land.

Sure—we don't have to agree on everything to do good work together. However, I operate from a "paradox of tolerance" frame. I won’t help people feel comfortable with intolerance or harm toward others. If you are struggling with a complex situation (for example, your child is trans and you are having a hard time navigating that), I am here to help you talk through it with empathy and depth. But my space will always prioritize the humanity and safety of marginalized communities.

Some people book a single session to think through something specific. Others meet weekly, biweekly, or monthly for a season.

I don’t sell packages because I don’t want to reduce growth to a rigid timeline. We reassess as we go.

Sessions are 50–60 minutes.

Typically, we:

• Check in

• Spend most of the session listening, exploring, and making sense of what’s happening

• Use the final portion to identify next steps, tools to try, or reflections to carry forward

Think of it as thoughtful experimentation. We try things. We reassess. We adapt.

Sometimes — if it would be helpful! But that’s entirely up to you.

That might look like:

• Practicing language for a conversation

• Journaling prompts

• Trying a boundary in a low-stakes setting

• Noticing patterns during the week

• Suggested readings, resources

But there’s no gold star system and no unnecessary pressure. People learn and grow in different ways. We’ll figure out what supports you best.

Valid question. From my advocacy work and research, people felt supported when someone had been through similar situations and wanted to know if they had or not. Experience gives a whole other layer to knowledge and wisdom.

For me? Both.

My academic and advocacy background informs my expertise. My lived experience informs my care. I know how life-changing relational clarity and support can be. That’s part of why I do this work the way I do it. In the chorus of voices included in my research and informing my knowledge, my own experience is one voice in that chorus. I’ve consistently applied these tools to my own life. I know how messy and hard communication and relationships can be - even with knowledge and training! Now I’ve just got years of practice and tools in the toolbelt, and I love sharing them with others.

No. Your sessions are private, and your information will not be shared or used in AI training. Besides, I don’t share your information without informed consent.

Yes. Your story and information are held with the highest level of care. I use a HIPAA-compliant version of Google Meet and encrypted record-keeping to ensure your information stays private. (I’m also informed by my background as a researcher in the ethical handling of confidential information - including all records.)

However, because I am a Certified Victims Advocate, there are three legal exceptions where I must break confidentiality to ensure safety: 1) If I suspect a child, edlerly person, or vulnerable adult is being abused; 2) If I have reason to believe you intend to harm yourself or someone else; 3) If I am served a legally binding subpoena. Outside of those specific safety requirements, what happens in our sessions stays between us.

I utilize the Green Bottle method created by Alexis J. Cunningfolk. This model encourages us to look at our relative financial privilege—including things like housing stability, debt-to-income ratio, and access to savings—to choose the tier that is most sustainable for us. I use this Equity-Based Sliding Scale (the "Green Bottle" method) to ensure my PhD-level expertise remains accessible. I trust you to choose the tier that matches your current financial reality:

• The Sustainer ($300): For those with stable housing, expendable income, and a desire to "pay it forward."

• The Standard ($200): My anchor rate for those comfortably meeting their monthly needs.

• The Access ($125): Reserved for those currently navigating crisis or significant financial transition.

I also offer lower-cost group options and a waitlist for deeply reduced-fee openings because I believe relational health should not be a luxury.

Everything to get set up takes place on the Book page.

1. You can schedule a free discovery call (a brief meet-and-greet) to see if we’re a good fit! This is not required but available to you if you want to check the vibes first.

2. Or, you can just jump in to scheduling your first appointment.

3. During booking, you’ll complete some short intake forms and sign the consent form.

4. Book and pay for your session.

5. You’ll get a calendar invite to our Google Meet session and receive reminders.

Returning clients can book directly through the scheduling page as needed. (Just click on the Returning Client booking page. You can also choose to create an account to save your info.)